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Mental Wellness · article

The “Find Out” approach: How FAFO parenting works and when to use It

A kid playing in a playground.

Parenting isn’t one-size-fits-all. There is a huge range of effective parenting styles that are shaped by your own experiences, culture, and family dynamics. But a new parenting philosophy is gaining traction, and it’s playfully being referred to as “FAFO parenting” or “fool around and find out.”

According to Katherine Worden, LCSW, a child and adolescent therapist at Atlantic Health, the style is grounded in one solid principle: children’s actions have consequences.

What is FAFO parenting?

“FAFO parenting isn’t about tough love, punishment, or aggression,” says Katherine. “It’s a compassionate parenting style that’s grounded in boundaries, consistency, and letting kids experience the natural consequences of their choices.”

Katherine equates it to a gentle parenting style that’s often misunderstood. “Most parents think gentle parenting is about permissiveness and letting children do as they please, but that’s not the case at all,” she says. “Letting children experience the natural and logical consequences of their choices fosters accountability, resilience, and gets them ready for the real world.”

How to implement FAFO parenting

FAFO parenting isn’t about being harsh—it’s about allowing children to make age-appropriate decisions, even if when it’s uncomfortable.

Here are just a few real-life examples. If a child refuses to do their homework, there’s no screen time later. If they’re rude to a friend, that friend might not want to play anymore. If they don’t want to wear a jacket, they’ll end up being cold. If they speak to you disrespectfully, the conversation pauses until they’re able to use a calm voice.

Smart parenting isn’t soft parenting

Katherine explains that these aren’t punishments, and it’s not about making a child suffer.  “Instead, it’s about letting kids experience real-world outcomes in a safe, supported environment,” she says. “By aligning consequences with actions, parents help their kids connect behavior with responsibility, a skill that will serve them well far beyond childhood.”

Four benefits of FAFO parenting:

1. Builds resilience and problem-solving skills. When children are allowed to face the outcomes of their actions, they develop the ability to think critically, make better decisions, and bounce back from failure.

2. Encourages accountability. Kids who consistently experience cause-and-effect learn their choices matter. They take more ownership of their behavior and develop a stronger internal moral compass.

3. Reduces power struggles. When parents stop trying to control every outcome and allow children to "find out" through experience, kids are less likely to rebel because they’re in charge of their decisions.

4. Prepares kids for the real world. Real life has consequences—missed deadlines, damaged relationships, financial troubles. FAFO parenting helps kids manage these dynamics in the safe environment of home.

“The world isn’t always a cushy, comforting place,” says Katherine. “If we want our kids to thrive, we need to teach them how to solve problems, regulate their emotions, and handle the consequences.”

Find a Pediatrician
Published: October 23, 2025

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